haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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