Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
