don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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