Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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