Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Is it because I queefed?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Randomize
