how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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