Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
