Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
