I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Enjoy the penises
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
