i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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