So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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