Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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