plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
