So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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