I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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