your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
you never un-have a 4some
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
