tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Randomize
