Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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