Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
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