I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
