Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
