Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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