Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
