Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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