how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Randomize
