billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
