All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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