the new term for farting is butt boxing.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
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