nut hugger
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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