This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
