Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
