Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
