I just saw a hot homeless man
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
