he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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