maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
