she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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