If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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