I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Randomize
