Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
