If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
