That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
