I didn't shave. On purpose
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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