I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
