If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
