Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
