he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
