How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
you didnt know i had herpes?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
