I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
it's great music for shaving your balls
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
