yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
