You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
