Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
