my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
