pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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