The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
