apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
