I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
