So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm too high and old for this...
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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