You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
